DAFs are where generosity goes to nap. With over $160 billion sitting idle, donor advised funds are the polite face of philanthropic procrastination—wrapped in tax breaks, moral applause, and just enough paperwork to feel productive. Whether you’re funding climate activism, the NRA, or a dog yoga retreat in Boulder, DAFs let you delay real giving while looking like a hero. This satirical exposé unpacks how DAFs function as legal laundromats, helping donors stall while nonprofits wait… and wait. And wait.